Sir Jeremy Posher -Than-You

My name is Sir Jeremy Posher-Than-You
I would like to apply to join your crew.
Having recently fallen on difficult times
I've decided to turn to a life full of crimes.

Yer sounds too posh to be one 'o me crew
With a name like Jeremy-Posher-Than-You
Can yer speak like a pirate, me bucko, me boy.
Oo arrgh, me 'arties. Avast and ahoy!

Dear Captain, please know I speak languages, three
So pirate is actually easy for me
Oh haar my hearties is simple to say
Now take me on board and pay me some pay.

That's rubbish, that is. I'll not pay yer nowt
Till yer say it again an this time yell out
It's all in the aitches, me bucko me boy
Oo argh, me 'arties, avast and ahoy.

I do understand, there is no need to shout
Now listen to this, you sea-fairing lout
Hoo har my hearties, Havast and hahoy
Those words should bring you considerable joy.

Yer curses is dross, they're maggoty bosh,
Ter be one of the crew yer must stop being posh
Get rid o the aitches, me bucko me boy
Oo argh, me 'arties, avast and ahoy.

Oh, cease and desist. Let me stop you right there
My ears are distressed. Your voice I can't bear
The noise is appalling. Your diction quite raw
My job application I hereby withdraw

This day I've discovered I actually find
You pirates are common, but I am refined
Perhaps I was wrong to apply to your band
I'm a gentleman robber. I'm meant for the land.

These are my pistols, I have a brace
You'll notice I'm aiming them both at your face
Pronouncing to you, with perfection and pleasure,
Stand and deliver. Hand over your treasure.